I Love You More Than I'm Afraid (Our Forevers #2) Read online

  “I don’t think it’s such a problem that your sisters be honest with you about how they feel,” my mother explained. “I just told them that if they wanted what was best for you, they would let you know how your behavior affects them.”

  “Oh is this an intervention now?” I asked. “You’re breaking my addiction to… what exactly? Being as far away from my parents as humanly possible, because it’s probably fair that I warn you, you’re not breaking that habit out of me.”

  “Arden honestly,” my father barked. “You are as insufferable as Athaliah.”

  I rolled my eyes recognizing his comparison of me to a woman from the Bible who destroyed her whole family. “Sure, dad.” I turned on my heel and headed back for the front door. “I’m leaving.”

  “You are not!” my father thundered. “I’ve had just about enough of your insubordination. You live in this house. You follow these rules.”

  “What rule did I break?!” I screeched at him.

  “You stayed out all night and didn’t come home!” my mom yelled back at me. “I dare you to go and find a child whose parents allow that. We’re not monsters for asking you to come back at the end of the day.”

  “I dare you to go and find a set of parents who wouldn’t have called or texted their kid once when they didn’t come home,” I spat back. “If you were so worried, why didn’t you call me? Why didn’t you call Aria? Why didn’t you call the police? You had a million options if you were so scared something was going to happen to me. Which one did you choose?” I could see both my parents searching their brains for a retort, but neither of them could find one.

  Instead, my dad just shouted, “That’s enough. I don’t have to argue with you.”

  “Exactly,” I said. “Bye.”

  “Arden!” my mom screamed. “Get back in here.”

  I didn’t listen. I headed straight for the door and already had my phone out of my pocket. Suli typically only worked the four days across the weekend, Friday through Monday, but that didn’t mean she couldn’t still get me into The Undersound. Aria was out with Tristan, and though I promised her I wouldn’t go back, I didn’t want to ruin her plans with him. I’d just make sure not to drink or take any drugs and Aria would never have to know.

  At least so long as whatever tipped her off the first time didn’t do it again. I had a feeling it was Hannah, but I couldn’t be sure.

  I pressed the button to call Suli as I opened the front door, but when it swung open, I noticed Aria’s car pulling up in front of my house. I tilted my head to the side, confused, and watched as she parked and climbed out.

  “Arden?” Suli said. “Helloooo?”

  I lifted my phone to my ear. “Oh, hey. Sorry.”

  “What’s going on? Are you calling to apologize for that shit show from yesterday? I forgive you, but only if you come hang out with me tonight.” Aria waved her hand through the air, a bright smile on her face, and she was already racing up the sidewalk. “Arden!”

  “Huh?” I replied.

  “Why did you call me just to ignore me?” Suli said. “Are you coming out tonight or not?”

  Seeing Aria put everything back in perspective. I promised my best friend that I wouldn’t do that again, and that was exactly what I intended to do. “Uh, I’ll call you back.”

  “What?” she yelped. “Arden—” I hung up the phone before she could finish.

  “Hey,” I said. “Is everything okay? I thought you were going out with Tristan.”

  “I was, but then something exciting happened!” she said. She pulled a brochure out of her pocket and handed it over to me. “My boss just called me about this. I couldn’t wait to give it to you.”

  I slipped the brochure out of her hands and looked down at it. “Y.I.I.P.? What is this?”

  “It stands for Young Innovators Internship Program. It’s a college alternative internship that takes place in New York City!” She flipped the brochure open and scrolled her finger down the inside left panel until she got to a list of bullet points. “Look at this. Young female innovators usually get full-ride scholarships because they’re so in demand. With your inventions, there’s no way you wouldn’t qualify for this.” She dragged my attention over to the right panel. “I mean look at this stuff. Room and board in New York City, something that would cost you thousands of dollars otherwise, and the internship is paid. They train you over four years and you get a certification at the end that’s likened to a degree in your field. They even hire the people they like most and back their projects.” She looked up at me, glowing. “This is it! This is your big shot!”

  “Oh my god!” I said. “Aria!” I threw my arms around her. “This is incredible.” New York City, apart from being a much more progressive part of the country, had the added benefit of being incredibly far from my hometown. It was the fresh start I’d been searching for. I never really felt like college was for me, but this was unique and suited specifically to what I did. It was perfect for me. I stepped back out of the hug, but continued to beam at her. “How did your boss know to call you about this?”

  “Well,” she snorted, “I talk about you all the time. Like alllll the time. She always gets opportunities like this emailed to her because of the nature of our work, and she saw that one and thought of you. She sent me a picture of it and asked if it was something I thought you’d be interested in, and I had Tristan drive me straight there to get the brochure and then straight home so I could get my car and bring it to you. He and I are going to meet up later since my mom is working tonight. This couldn’t wait.”

  “You are seriously the most incredible person I think I’ve ever met.” I grabbed her arm and pulled her back towards the house. “Come on. Help me pick out a blueprint for the application.”

  “Yes!” Aria said.

  I dragged Aria through the door and my parents, upon hearing the door open and close, came back out to meet me. They were both red in the face, looking as if they wanted to start up with me again, but they saw Aria and stopped short.

  “Aria,” my mother said and then she smiled. “Hello! We weren’t expecting you.”

  “Hi Mrs. Namon, Mr. Namon. Sorry for the intrusion. I had to give Arden something and it couldn’t wait,” Aria explained.

  “You are never an intrusion,” my father replied. “Are you going to stay for dinner?”

  “Probably not,” she said. “I’m meeting my boyfriend later for dinner, but I’ll be here for an hour or two if that’s okay.”

  My parents both lit up at the mention of a boyfriend. Not only did it mean that Aria wasn’t gay, but it meant that I was hanging around with someone who was straight, and they could only hope that she would rub off on me somehow.

  “That’s perfectly, okay,” my mother said. “You two head up and I’ll bring you some snacks!” She fluttered off towards the kitchen as if she’d won the lottery.

  My father nodded. “Stay as long as you’d like, Aria. You’re always welcome here.”

  Aria smiled. “Thank you.”

  He walked off and Aria and I continued up the stairs. “Snacks,” I murmured. “That woman hasn’t brought me a fucking snack since I was ten.”

  Aria snickered behind me. “Well sure, she only has straight snacks, you see. She can’t feed ants on a log to a lesbian. Have you lost your mind?”

  I laughed at Aria’s obvious sarcasm. “God, I love you.”

  We turned to walk into my room, and both Willow and Whitney were sitting inside. Willow’s eyes were red and puffy and Whitney had her arms around her shoulder and was soothing her quietly. They both looked up when we walked in and Willow jumped up and ran over to me, throwing her arms around me.

  “I’m sorry, Arden!” she sobbed. “I didn’t want to say that stuff.”

  “Hey, I know it, kid. Don’t worry.” I petted her head. “You don’t owe me an apology. You didn’t do anything wrong.”

  “I should have said no,” she whimpered. “Like you do.”

  I pulled back and cup
ped her face in my hands. “Listen to me. My road is a rough one. I would never tell you to handle things how I handle them. I’m just too far gone.” I kissed her on the top of the head. “It’s okay. Don’t be sad.”

  “Hi, Aria,” Whitney said in a muted tone.

  Willow hopped back from me, her face turning bright red with embarrassment. “Aria! I didn’t see you there.”

  “No worries,” Aria said. “I sniveled in front of Arden like a baby yesterday too. Maybe it’s her.” I laughed.

  “I’m sorry. We’ll leave your room,” Willow said. “Come on, Whit.”

  They both started for the door, but Willow stopped when she was next to me and looked over. “I’m not ever gonna let mom use me like a weapon against you again, okay? I promise.”

  I nodded. “Yeah. Okay. Thanks.”

  She walked out and Whitney threw me an awkward smile as she passed, and then they were gone.

  “Did something happen?” Aria asked as we walked into my room. I hooked a finger into my binder of blueprints and pulled it with me over to the bed where Aria and I sat down. “She seemed pretty shaken up.”

  “I got into it with my folks again,” I said. “You have killer timing actually. They were gonna tear into me again until they saw you. My mom goaded my sisters into trying to guilt trip me. Made Willow put on her best puppy dog eyes and say she was worried.”

  Aria frowned. “Willow always texts me if she can’t get a hold of you.”

  “I know. That’s how I knew it was my mom puppeteering them. I flipped out and was in the midst of storming out when you showed up.” I shook my head. “Whatever. It’s over now. I don’t wanna think about that. I wanna think about this. Can you go to the website on the brochure and see if you can find the application.”

  “Yeah.” Aria pulled out her phone and grabbed the brochure and started doing what I asked as I flipped through my blueprints.

  Most of what I had in my binder were things I’d either built before, but they didn’t pan out. I had created new blueprints with improvements, or were just ideas I’d always had in my head. Whenever I encountered a problem that there wasn’t an outright solution to, rather than trying to find some makeshift way to fill the void, I’d create my own solution. I believed that one day I would invent the next big thing that would change the world.

  This internship was my first step forward.

  “Okay,” Aria said. “It looks like you’ll have to submit a sample of your work, and it specifically says that if you’re inventing something new, you should plan to submit a prototype. It has all the mailing address information and says if you contact them about applying, they’ll send you a box and shipping label to get your prototype to them safely.”

  “Okay…”

  “It also says you’ll need to write a statement of intent, and get a few references. Though between Mr. Hansen and the other teachers at school, that shouldn’t be an issue. My mom would write one for you too, I’m sure,” she said.

  “Anything else? What about an application fee?”

  “A hundred bucks,” she replied with a downward tone. “But if you need, I can—”

  “Nope,” I cut her off. “I’ll drive for it. It’ll be fine.”

  Unlike Aria who already had a weekend job where she wanted to establish her career, I didn’t have a job. Mainly because most places in the area connected back to my parents somehow, making it incredibly difficult to get one. However, after Suli helped me get a fake ID and I got my actual driver’s license, I applied to start driving for one of those food delivery services. I changed to a different one when I was actually legally old enough to drive, and that was how I made money when I needed it. Before I saved up for my car, I’d use Suli’s to work, and then mine after I bought it. It was exhausting, and had gotten dangerous a couple of times with people who tried to claim that you brought them the wrong thing, but ultimately it was fine. It would only take a weekend, maybe two to save up for the application fee and what I’d need to buy the parts for the blueprint I picked out. It should be fine.

  “Are you sure? It could be like a graduation present,” Aria said.

  “That’s far too generous a graduation present. Besides, I really want to earn this on my own, you know? Every part of it.”

  Aria nodded, seeming to accept that. “Yeah. I get it, but promise me that if something comes up, you’ll tell me. Even if it would make you feel better to borrow it and pay it back, we can work something out.”

  I looked up at her with a smile. “I promise.”

  “There’s an interview process as well, it sounds like. They’ll do it over video chat if you don’t live in the state.”

  I frowned at that. “Gotta pull my gauges and hide my tatts?”

  “Uh.” She laughed and then turned her phone to face me. “This is the CEO, so I think you’ll be fine.”

  The woman on the screen had electric green hair, earrings hanging from her earlobes and cartilage, and an obvious tattoo peeking up over the top of her blouse, similar to the one I had sprawled across my chest.

  “Oh my god,” I said. “Is this my mecca?”

  She nodded. “It just might be.”

  I shoved my binder in Aria’s direction, unable to make a decision of my own. “Look through these and tell me which one I should do.”

  Aria groaned. “You know I can’t read your blueprints. They confuse the hell out of me.”

  “Just read the descriptions and look at the concepts,” I said. “I can’t decide.”

  Aria took the binder and started to flip through the pages just as my phone rang. We both looked down at the screen and then Aria said, “Suli, huh?”

  “Shit,” I hissed. “I forgot I said that I’d call her back.” I picked up my phone and answered it before pressing it to my ear. “Hey.”

  “Uh, what the fuck, Arden?” she barked. “First you let some brat come and snatch you away from me last night, then you ignore my texts, then you call me, then you hang up on me. What’s the deal?”

  “I’m sorry,” I grumbled, running a hand through my hair. “Something came up suddenly and I had to go. That’s totally my bad. For last night too. I know you were just looking out for me.” Aria snorted. “It was better that I went with my friend though.”

  “Well what about me? You totally blue balls-ed me last night.”

  “You don’t have balls,” I retorted quickly.

  She hissed, “That’s not the point. You blew me off.”

  “I did. I’m so sorry.”

  “If you’re sorry, come see me tonight,” she said. “If you don’t wanna go to The Undersound, I’m off tonight. We can order delivery, pop and fuck while we’re waiting for it to get here, and then just lounge around naked. It’ll be great.”

  It didn’t sound half bad, but Aria was no longer looking at the blueprints and was instead just watching me, and I gathered from the furrow in her brow that she could hear Suli perfectly fine with how close she was sitting.

  “I’m actually with my friend Aria now. She brought me a brochure about this internship. It’s really awesome and I’m just trying to get my ducks in a row to apply for it. I’m sorry, I think I’d better stay in tonight.”

  “I guess, if it’s for your future or whatever. But you owe me, you brat,” she joked.

  I laughed. “I totally owe you. I’ll make it up to you. I promise.”

  “Hmm, I like the sound of that, so I’ll let it slide. The real question is when will you make it up to me?”

  Aria’s eyes were boring into me, and I wished that I had waited to talk to Suli until she wasn’t there. Then again, I didn’t really want to keep secrets from Aria. She continued to accept me time and again as she discovered the many, many issues I had. The least I could do was continue to be honest with her.

  “I’m not sure. Between school and applying for the internship, it may not be until after I graduate.”

  “What?!” Suli screeched. “That’s like three months away!”

 
“I gotta do what’s best for me,” I said. “It’s nothing personal.”

  Suli was quiet for a really long time, and when I looked up at Aria, she nodded in approval of my words. Finally, Suli sighed and said, “I don’t want to mess with any opportunities or anything for you, so if you think that’s best, I’ll wait.”

  I smiled. “Thank you. I appreciate it.”

  “But now you really, really owe me.”

  I laughed. “I can think of a few ways to pay you back.”

  She chuckled and the tension left my body knowing that I’d smoothed everything over okay. “I’m getting chills just thinking about it.”

  “I should go. I’m trying to decide what blueprint to do for the application.”

  “Good luck. If you need a third set of eyes, text me.”

  I nodded. “Yeah, I just might take you up on that. Talk to you later.”

  “Talk to you later. Bye.”

  I hung up the phone and set it down, letting out a sigh of relief. Aria snickered at me. “You navigated that minefield well.”

  “It was not easy,” I said.

  “So you and this Suli girl…. You’re a thing?”

  I shrugged. “Friends with benefits, I guess?”

  She nodded. “Ah.” She was picking at the plastic around one of my blueprints and I could tell she had more to say. “How… um… old is she?”

  “Yeah…” I said. “She’s 24.”

  Aria’s eyes bugged out briefly. “And when was the first time you guys…”

  I waved my hands through the air. “Why don’t I just get it all out so we can make our peace with it and move on?”

  Aria nodded. “Yeah. That’d be good.”

  “I first met her when I was fifteen. It wasn’t long after our first meeting that shit went sideways with Hannah. I was already feeling alone at home, but then my best friend and first love broke my heart and, well, it made me extra impressionable. She gave me access to booze, and once we got really drunk and I convinced her to take my virginity. I was sick of hanging onto it, thinking Hannah and I would share our first times. She’s not a bad person. She was totally fucked up afterwards and so I was I. I mean consent was messy, age was messy. It’s not anyone’s fairy tale romance, is all I’m saying.”