I Love You More Than I'm Afraid (Our Forevers #2) Read online

  It was bliss upon bliss. I could have stayed there for a million years and been perfectly happy. I closed my eyes and took it all in: my ultimate happy place.

  In my comfort and contentment, I must have dozed off, because all of a sudden another body wrapped around mine. Legs on either side of me and comforting arms pulling me backwards. My head found purchase on the chest of the person behind me and I tilted my head back until I finally met Arden’s gaze.

  “Well hey there, Marie,” Arden said, lovingly using my middle name. “We’re supposed to be up there, but you look so comfy down here, I just couldn’t help myself from joining you.”

  “I was just enjoying the breeze,” I replied. “Although now I don’t want to move at all.”

  My heart did a little jump as Arden leaned in and set her lips on mine. Her arms squeezed around me tightly and I breathed in the feeling of it. There was nothing as good in the world as kissing Arden on a blustery, fall day.

  Nothing.

  Arden finally pulled away with a little chuckle. “I mean, listen. I’m fine to continue making out with you down here, but that's really gonna waste the surprise I prepared up there.”

  I hugged closer to Arden with no real plans to move. “Surprise?”

  Arden skated her fingers up and down the skin of my arm. “Sure. I think a three year anniversary is worth a surprise or two.”

  Three years? Had it been that long already? “Well I’m not one to turn down a surprise.”

  “Alright. Let’s go.” Arden maneuvered herself from behind me and got to her feet and then reached out her hand for me. I took it and let her pull me to my feet. The momentum of me getting up pressed me against her, an opportunity which she took to kiss me again. I curled my arms around her shoulder and sunk into it, loving the feeling of her arms sliding behind my back. This kiss got deeper, with Arden’s tongue sliding out to play with mine until she finally hummed and pulled back. “Oops. Okay, now let’s go.” I giggled and relented to her pull as she led me up to the base of the tree. I reached out for the ladder to climb, but she stopped me. “Wait, hang on.”

  She pulled a small remote control out of her pocket and handed it to me. I took it, confused, but intrigued. “What do I do with this?”

  “Duh, press the button.”

  I snickered and did as I was told, pressing the largest button on the remote. Immediately, I heard a mechanical whizzing sound and I started looking around for the source. Eventually, a cord started to lower itself from the opening in the treehouse, a bouquet of pink mums attached; they were my favorite flower.

  The cord lowered until it was just in front of me, and then Arden reached over me to press the same button and stopped it in place.

  “They’re beautiful,” I said, taking them from the claw they were held in.

  “I’m glad you like them,” Arden replied. “I’m also really glad the cord didn’t snap and whip you in the face like it did me.”

  With a laugh, I ran my hand along the darkened black and blue spot on her chin, now knowing the origin. “You promised me you wouldn’t make things that hurt you.”

  “I can only do so much, gorg. These things have a mind of their own.” She pressed a different, smaller button on the remote and the cord started to raise back up into the treehouse. When it was gone, she motioned forward. “Okay. Now we can climb up.”

  I looked at the bouquet of flowers and then up the ladder. “You lowered the flowers to the bottom for me to carry them back to the top?”

  Arden’s smile disappeared and she gave me the most defeated look. “I didn’t think it through.”

  Laughing, I kissed her cheek. “It’s okay. Why don’t I leave the flowers down here.” I set them down gently on the grass next to the treehouse. “And I’ll collect them when we’re done.”

  She groaned. “Fine.”

  With that sorted, I started up the treehouse, giggling when Arden did exactly what I thought she would do and swatted my ass. I popped my head through the treehouse opening and my jaw dropped. The interior had been lined with white twinkling lights and in the center was a small table that had been topped with a tablecloth and a couple of plates with cloches covering them. There were pillows on either side for seating and Arden’s speaker had been set up and was sitting on the window sill, quietly playing romantic music.

  “Oh wow!” I said. “It looks incredible in here.” I climbed up into the treehouse and scooted over to one of the pillows. Arden climbed up after me and crawled over to the other. “It feels bigger in here than I remember.”

  Arden shrugged. “Forced perspective.” I furrowed my brow at that response. It didn’t quite make sense to me, but I didn’t feel like pressing the issue and ruining the moment. Arden grabbed the top of her cloche and the top of mine and said, “Now prepare yourself. This is real gourmet stuff.”

  “I’m sure,” I said. A trait Arden and I shared was that we were both miserable at cooking. Way back when we first started dating, I tried to improve my skills thinking at least one of us had better know how to cook, but then I stopped.

  Because we broke up…

  “You okay?” Arden said. “You look like you’re about to cry.”

  Suddenly, I could feel it too. That tightness in my throat and burning in my nose. We obviously didn’t break up. We were celebrating our third anniversary, so why did I have this gross feeling in the pit of my stomach?

  “I’m fine,” I lied. “Just so happy.”

  “Oh.” Arden smiled. “Good.” She lifted the cloches off of the plates and revealed sandwiches and chips. Next to both plates were two juice boxes that the straws hadn’t been pressed through yet. “Bon appetit.”

  “Looks wonderful,” I said, taking a closer inspection of my sandwich. It appeared to be a turkey club, which was one of my favorite sandwiches. I was a glutton for bacon. “It actually does look really good.”

  I lifted my sandwich to put it in my mouth and Arden reached across the table. “Whoa, whoa, whoa, what are you doing?”

  I raised an eyebrow. “Uh. I was gonna eat the sandwich.”

  “Hannah,” she said and my name in her voice sent a wave of chills across my body, “everyone knows the right way to eat a sandwich is like this.” She lifted the top piece of bread off one half of her sandwich and then picked up a couple of chips and stacked them on top of the meat. She then replaced the bread and smashed it down until the chips crunched and then lifted it to her mouth and took a bite with a flurry of crisps. “Come on. Be a foodie with me.”

  “If that’s the right way to eat it, why didn’t you make it that way?” I asked.

  She narrowed her gaze at me. “I didn’t ask for your logic.” She fluttered her hand at my sandwich. “Just try it.”

  I just shrugged and shook my head, but did remove the top slice of bread from half my sandwich and placed a few chips right on top of the meat. I put the top slice back and pushed it down until I heard the chips crunch, then I lifted it up to my mouth and prepared to take a bite.

  “Arden!”

  Both Arden and I looked over, and I saw a look glaze across Arden’s face that gave me chills, and not the good kind. Her eyes registered a deep longing that I couldn’t even remember seeing in all the time that we’d been together and she got a calm grin. “Aria…” She set down her sandwich and crawled over to the window and stuck her head out. “Aria!”

  “Arden,” I whined, grabbing her hand and trying to pull her back to the table. “This is our anniversary. Can you pay attention to me?”

  She didn’t respond, but just pulled her hand from mine and continued to look out the window. “What are you doing here?” she called down.

  “Come down here!” Aria called back. “I have something I have to tell you.”

  Arden moved immediately, sliding herself out from behind the table and over to the opening leading out of the treehouse. Once again, I tried to reach out and stop her, but she just yanked free of my hold and continued to descend the treehouse ladder. Irri
tated, I moved over to the window and stuck my head out. Aria was standing down in the yard, dressed in a beautiful, long, flowing white dress. Her hair was down, longer than I remembered it being, curled and perfect, but she had a nervous expression on her face.

  “Hey,” Arden said as she reached the bottom of the treehouse. “What’s going on?”

  “Are you busy?” Aria asked. “I really need to talk to you about something.”

  Arden shook her head. “No. Not at all. What’s up?”

  “Not at all?” I barked out. “What about me?” But neither Arden nor Aria seemed to hear me.

  Aria reached out and took Arden’s hands in hers, and my heart started to beat a little faster. “I…” Her gaze was flitting all over the place, but then it eventually lifted and locked into Arden’s. “I’m in love with you.”

  “What?” I screamed. “Aria! Go away!” My voice was unheard yet again.

  I finally decided that I needed to just go down there and interject myself, but when I crawled over to the opening to the treehouse, there was a door there that had never been there before. It was blocking the way out, and no matter how much I tried to pull or push, it wouldn’t move out of the way.

  Then Arden’s voice pierced the silence. “I’m in love with you too.”

  For a moment, I just froze. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. She was just with me. We were together and happy. How could she say something like that?

  I flipped back towards the window, thinking I’d just climb out, but the window was boarded up now as well. Slamming my fists against the planks of wood did nothing to move them out of the way. All I could do was watch through a slit as Aria pulled Arden away from the treehouse.

  “Arden!” I screamed, pounding on the wood. “Help me! I’m stuck in here! Arden!”

  They couldn’t hear me at all. Hand-in-hand, they walked away from the treehouse, eventually linking up with Tristan at the top of the hill. He seemed to be just as under Aria’s spell as Arden was, and she took his hand and started to lead him off as well.

  “No! Tristan! Help me! I’m scared! Get me out of here!” I was banging and screaming as loud as I could, but nothing was helping.

  Eventually, Arden, Aria, and Tristan approached an airplane. It had the words ‘New York’ sprawled across the side in deep red, dripping letters, and Aria stood aside and motioned Tristan and Arden on. They boarded the plane, smiling and laughing, and the last thing I saw was Aria turn around and make direct eye contact with me.

  An evil smile curled across her face and she said, “They’ll never love you like they love me. Just give it up.”

  “No!” I yelled. “Please!”

  Aria turned and climbed onto the airplane and it almost immediately lifted up into the sky and flew out of sight. I continued to scream until it felt like my voice should be going hoarse. Falling backwards against the wall of the treehouse, tipping the table and destroying my anniversary dinner, I clasped my hands on either side of my head and started to sob.

  Then I woke up.

  I shot straight up in bed, pain still constricting my chest. All it took was a little sniffle for me to feel that I’d been crying in my sleep, and that final image of Aria’s malicious grin was painted across my brain and nothing would send it away. My head was pounding and I felt like I was going to be sick.

  Subconsciously, I reached for my phone.

  “Hannah?”

  I looked at it, confused, but then I saw that I was in a call with Tristan. In my anguish, I must have called him. I didn’t even realize it. “Tristan?”

  “Hey,” he replied. “Are you okay? It’s like four in the morning.”

  “No,” I admitted, simply unable to lie at that moment. “I’m not okay.”

  “What’s wrong? Are you hurt? Do you need me to come and get you?”

  The idea of being able to see Tristan sounded good to me, so I said, “Yeah. Can you come get me?”

  “Where are you?”

  “I’m at home,” I replied.

  “I’m on my way.”

  The line immediately went dead, and I finally started to get my bearings. I was in bed, in my house. No, I was not celebrating a three year anniversary with Arden—we actually had broken up. I wasn’t locked in a treehouse watching helplessly as some woman stole away the love of my life and my best friend.

  At least not literally.

  Double-checking my phone to make sure I hadn’t dreamed up speaking with Tristan, I saw in my call log that we’d had a short, minute-long conversation. I actually did call him, and he was on his way to get me, so I threw back my covers and got myself out of bed. My whole body felt fuzzy and weak, like I’d just run a marathon. That was the most vivid and excruciating nightmare I’d had in a long time. I’d experienced a number of Arden-focused dreams immediately after we broke up. Ones just like that, where we were still together and happy.

  But they’d never taken that dark turn before.

  Thinking backwards, I remembered that it was Sunday, so I ignored my backpack in the interest of pulling on some comfy clothes. I didn’t even bother to change out of my pajama pants and just threw a hoodie on over it, then slipped on some tennis shoes, grabbed my keys and purse, and quietly made my way downstairs.

  Walking outside and being hit with the fresh spring air reminded me it wasn’t fall at all. It felt like my body was being thrust through time. How could a dream feel so real and painful? I sat down on the front stairs and combed my fingers through my hair. It was like I was a fraction of myself all of a sudden and I had no idea where to find the rest of me.

  Eventually, Tristan pulled up and he actually jumped out of the driver’s seat and ran over to where I was sitting. “Hey,” he said, reaching down for me. “Are you okay?”

  I took his hand and let him pull me to my feet, experiencing deja vu from when Arden had done it in my dream. “I had a nightmare,” I said. “Sorry, that was a stupid reason to call you all the way over here.”

  “No.” He wrapped his arms around me and pulled me into a hug.

  And I shattered.

  All of the sensations I’d been trying to rope in and realign myself went sideways again and I just started to cry. Everything that I’d been trying to convince myself didn’t hurt for the last three years crashed down on top of me like a ton of bricks and with Tristan’s arms around me, I just let it all go for the first time ever.

  I was in so much pain I couldn’t think straight.

  Tristan didn’t rush me, just held me there and caressed my back gently until I was finally able to calm myself down enough to speak.

  “Can we go somewhere other than here?” I asked between sobs.

  “Yeah. Come on.” He helped me over to his car and opened the passenger’s door for me, helping me into the car and closing the door behind me. He then walked back to the driver’s side and got in, not immediately starting the car. “Most places are still closed. Should we just find a park and talk?”

  I nodded, really realizing for the first time how badly holding everything in had affected me. “Yeah.”

  He started up the car then, driving off and heading in the direction of a nearby park. He didn’t say anything as we drove, but he kept reaching over and swiping my tears away, for which I was grateful. I probably should have grabbed some tissue or something on my way out of the house.

  Not that I expected to experience a total emotional breakdown.

  We got to the park and Tristan pulled into a spot and turned off the car. “In or out?” he asked.

  It felt like the fresh air would be nice so I said, “Out,” and Tristan immediately hopped out of the car and ran around to my side. He opened the door and I grumbled out, “Thank you.”

  “No thanks needed,” he replied.

  I stepped out and Tristan shut the door and I absent-mindedly trudged my way towards the nearest picnic table. Though I sat at the table traditionally, kicking my legs over the attached bench and under the tabletop, Tristan climbed up and sat
on the tabletop, with his feet on the bench. He immediately dropped his hand to my head and started to scratch the top of it, which certainly helped to calm me down even more.

  “What’s going on?” Tristan asked.

  I looked up at him and straight into his eyes and said. “I’m in love with Arden.”

  His eyes looked like they were gonna come flying out of his skull and his hand stopped moving. “Um… oh.” He started to stammer a bit, saying, “I m-mean, I kind of thought maybe, but, you know, you didn’t really want to talk about it, and… My shock isn’t because you’re, you know… I mean, are you, like… um. Gay or just… Bi… or, I know there are other things…”

  I actually snickered a little bit at his stuttering. “I’m…” My throat tightened a little, but I forced my way through it. “I’m gay. I’m not attracted to men.”

  He nodded. “That explains a lot.”

  “You’re not put off by it?” I asked, my gaze turned down at the table.

  Tristan’s hand was still on my head and he pushed, tilting my head backwards so I was looking up at him. “Not in the slightest. You are my best friend in the entire world, and you being attracted to men or women or whatever doesn’t change that. You’re still Hannah.”

  Tears immediately filled my eyes and I dropped my head to the table. “Thank you.”

  “But man, being in love with Arden. I’m so sorry. That’s gotta be so hard right now,” he said.

  I nodded. “The nightmare I had was about her. I dreamed that we had never broken up and were celebrating our anniversary but then…” I remembered Aria’s face and figured maybe Tristan wouldn’t enjoy the story of her as the antagonist. “Then she left me for someone else. She hopped a plane to New York and I was trapped and couldn’t get to her.”

  “Never broke up?” Tristan said. “You guys actually dated?”

  “Yeah. Between eighth grade and ninth grade year we admitted our feelings for one another and started dating, but halfway through our ninth grade year, my parents found out and flipped out. I was afraid of my parents and we tried to keep it secret and stuff. When I came back in tenth grade, I met you and…” I looked up at Tristan and felt bad. I didn’t want him to think that I used him.